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don't mess with me

2009-11-11T13:04:00.003-06:00

i feel sorry for maurice- he's gotta wait for checks from his payee in order to live. i remember that he always used to get at least $60 in the mail and he would always spend them on stupid things for me like stuffed animals. he's lucky if he gets even $20 now.
my grandma is going to call some lady at gillette hospital for me about volunteering for some job. i don't know when she'll get around to actually calling, i think that i could call or get the application myself which i'm tempted to do. i don't want my stupid case manager or resource manager to help me. they'd probably say that the volunteer program at gillette costs too much or try to say that my insurance plan doesn't cover eligibility for the program or something stupid like that. i have too much free time on my hands, i always end up lifting little bar bells (i think that's what they are) weights whenever i'm bored (which is at least once a day). i'm building muscle in my arms, i'm going to be a muscle woman soon.

norton please be working

2009-11-08T11:51:00.003-06:00

ok, well, i don't know if i should be using the internet on this computer. my grandma told me to wait to use it until the supervisor of my program came off of vacation to check to see if norton was installed on this computer. it looks to be installed, the supervisor comes back tommorow, so i couldn't even wait one more day.
a doctor took me off some medication and put me on some other medication which is a nasal spray but i haven't even had any yet because i don't know if i have it here to take, the medication is for some swollen gland or something in my nose that affects my ears and makes them itchy. i thought that when my ears were itchy that meant that they were waxy but i guess not. the doctor that i seen on wednesday said that i didn't have that much wax in my ears when he looked in my ears.
i want to look for a job or something else to do like go to a class because i'm bored too often. i've been getting told that i look tired a lot lately and i just tell them that i'm not tired, just bored. i don't know what else it could be, maybe if i occupy myself more, i wouldn't look so tired. i told the doctor that filled my baclofen pump last week that i wanted to find a job. he told me to go to gillette's website and to look in "human resources" but i don't know where to start or how to start.

i have to wait

2009-11-04T08:04:00.002-06:00

well, i got my new pc, i just need internet access put onto my pc and the only one that will do it is the supervisor of the program that i live in and she's on vacation til nov. 10 or 15 or something like that. i need norton 360 installed on it, so another virus doesn't creep up on my computer like the last time and they claimed it was my fault because they claimed that they installed norton 360 on my pc and they didn't which was found later on when the hard drive was cleaned out. the only person that's closest to me that also knows how to install the norton 360 and my internet is the supervisor of the program that i live in, so i'm going to have to wait til she's off of vacation.
i'm at gillette lifetime waiting in the waiting room to get my baclofen pump filled. it says that my appointment is at 8:00 on my schedule and the front desk said it was at 12:00, i'm thinking that my care team knew the appointment was at noon and just put that the appointment was at 8, so they could save money on transportation because i think that transportation to medical appointments costs more around noon. i also need to remember to ask the doctor that i'm seeing today if he can get me a job because i think that i need a job to occupy me because i feel bored too often during the day.

when will i get my pc back?

2009-10-31T21:17:00.003-05:00

my grandma didn't go to best buy to pick up my pc this morning because they're going to repair it tommorow and they claim that they found when they cleaned the hard drive that it didn't have the norton 360 installed on it, so it's supposedly our fault. my grandma did pay an extra $90 dollars to have that shit installed before i got the new pc though, i'm thinking those thieves installed a virus on my pc when she paid the extra money for it and it executed itself in a certain span of time and they had this all planned out. she's going to pick my pc up tommorow and she'll probably end up getting scammed/robbed tommorow and forced to pay the extra money that they're asking for "repairing" the pc this time around. that store is full of assholes if they want to get away with paying to fix a problem that they created in the first place, i don't see how someone can live with themself when they do something like that.
i also need to get someone to hook the pc up after i get it, i hope that i can get the site manager at my apartment to hook it up, i think that she hooked the virus-filled one up when i got it. so we'll see the next time that i blog on the pc at my house..

i need to get regular internet access again!

2009-10-30T18:55:00.003-05:00

i finally logged back onto my blogger account, i couldn't blog because my pc at my place downloaded a virus. don't ask me how, i don't really download programs. i really only download music, that'd be the only way that i'd think that i could possibly download it. the comcast technician who came out to look at my internet and why it wasn't working said that i probably bought it with a virus on it. i told my grandma that he said that she could've probably bought it with a virus already on it because after i told her that it had a virus, she said that she just bought that pc from walmart two months ago. she took it back to walmart today after my mom and her picked me up from my apartment and she said that they were busy or something and i couldn't get it fixed today. i don't know where the pc is but i'm hoping that i can get regular internet access again soon. i'm pretty sure that my grandma raised hell about buying a pc with a virus on it when she took it back to walmart today, i hope so anyway.
my group-living program went to the mall of america on wednesday. a lot of the clients that went had gone just to go eat at famous dave's restraunt. i went shopping and spent a lot of my money when i went shopping at aeropostle. rochelle (a pca who had said that she wanted to go shopping with me and had even asked me prior to the shopping trip about which stores i had wanted to shopping at) made a rude comment about me not needing any help in the store when someone had asked her if anyone was helping me in the store. she said it rudely from what maurice was telling me. another pca who was giving my cares on wednesday night looked at the aeropostle bag sitting on my bed and she remarked, "huh, we can see who has that kind of money to be shopping at THAT kind of store." some of my pca's need to grow up. i haven't went shopping for clothes in a while and i didn't even spend that much for all the things that i bought.
the vikings will also be kicking green bay's ass again this sunday, you know i had to say something about it. kind of funny to see those judas #4 shirts around in the stores. you know i'll be watching.. well, i'm hoping that i'll be getting regular internet access again soon, so till next time..

it feels like it was already said

2009-10-19T14:48:00.003-05:00

i went to the courage center swimming program today as i do every monday and thursday right now. it feels like i know of a girl who i don't think i really know like a girl that used to live at the courage center when i lived there and for some reason i hear her talking about things like she wants them or she wants to be like them and she's not. i don't know if i really know her but i'm thinking of things that she said. the girl might've been one who i met at courage center back when i lived there, that'd be the only possibility that i could think of. i don't know what made me think of her..
i did go to that metallica concert that i don't know if i wrote about it on my weblog but i was thinking of it today. my friend misty went with me and i don't really remember anything about it, which i knew i wouldn't remember anything. i don't think that i've been to a concert before that one either.
robin asked me this morning if i had any problems with my walker because she said that bridget (my case manager) called her and told her that i was running into walls and making noise with my walker in the hallways of the apartment. i don't know if she really did leave that message but she probably did because robin also asked me that bridget asked if i was using my walker that i'm supposed to be walking with when i'm at home with a more portable walker which axis (insurance) bought for me.

i hate being so honest

2009-10-16T15:02:00.003-05:00

i'm at my mom's house right now for the weekend. my grandma didn't come along to pick me up, i didn't expect her to. when i called my grandma last night she broke down crying when she told me that my uncle had throat cancer. i wasn't really thinking of her feelings after she told me because i said to her without thinking, "well, we all gotta die from something. that's what smoking does to you." she came back with, "well, when he started smoking- they didn't know that it killed you." she can't honestly tell me that he didn't suspect that it harmed you in some way back when he started smoking back then. my grandma told me not to say anything about my uncle having cancer but my mom told me today and the last time that i came to her house that she thinks that my uncle has cancer. it's not something that you can really hide from someone. i don't know what he's going to do about it, i think that he just might not go in for treatment because he seems like the stubborn type. i shouldn't have been so honest right away because i don't know if someone has throat cancer that they will definitely die and i don't know that he's definitely going to die of this cancer. this is the same uncle that upset me with his racist commments when it came to the presidential election, if my grandma loses him, she'd have lost two sons and a husband. i don't know what she'll do and i really don't want to find out.

good show

2009-10-14T13:55:00.002-05:00

i had a good time at the metallica concert last night. they played a lot of the new album to start off with but then james hetfield asked the audience, "alright, so how about some of the old stuff?" and the audience all cheered, so i know that i wasn't the only one who came mainly for their old music. i thought they did a good job of performing and it was entertaining. i didn't yawn and i wasn't tired until after the concert and the concert went past midnight, our ride was scheduled at 12:15 and i didn't want to be left there. i was surprised that i wasn't tired earlier, it must've been all of the water i was drinking, i find myself being more energized when i drink water, that's why i never used to be able to sleep- because i would always drink a lot of water while i was in bed. that made them seem to think that i needed sleeping pills, now i find that i'm able to fall asleep without sleeping pills as long as i don't drink that much. i feel a lot more rested now that i don't take sleeping pills and i sleep naturally.
i'm waiting for reliable to come and put new casters on my gaittrainer walker, my left leg feels like it's twisting a bit as i step down on my left foot. it just started doing this, so it hasn't been like that long but i'll be glad when it's fixed.

it's almost concert time!

2009-10-13T15:07:00.002-05:00

i'm going to the metallica concert today. my grandma said that she spoke with my friend and she'll be at my apartment to catch the bus with me (the bus that will take us to the concert). she said that my friend said that she has some computer thing that will show her how to get to my apartment, so i hope that she'll get here on time. i hope that i get to the concert and have fun, this is my first concert, i know that i must've said that a million times before but i'm excited. one of the pca's (who thinks she knows it all) said that i always act so anxious whenever i have to go somewhere and she could tell that i'm going somewhere today because of how i'm acting. who asked her? she said that because i told one of the lead RA's that my couch must be my new closet because my pca (the pca who is miss know-it-all) washed my clothes and didn't hang them up and just let them lay on my couch under the comforter which is also supposed to be on my bed which she didn't really make either. these pca's act like they have all the time in the world sometimes.

METALLICA!

2009-10-12T14:19:00.003-05:00

i'm going to the metallica concert tommorow. it will be the first concert that i've been to. my friend misty just told me that she'd go with me to the concert last week at the grocery store. i couldn't think of anyone that i would honestly want who i would think would truly enjoy their music and have fun. not to forget, i don't know of many people that i would want to go to a concert with to start off with. i don't know what made me think of misty. she said that we should get matching shirts at the concert. my pool therapist will be at the concert too and when i asked him if he's heard any of their new album, he said that he has and it sounds like their old stuff. so that makes me want to listen to their new album now, i was listening to 93x and i'm not sure if this song that i heard and liked was one of metallica's but they played a metallica song before and after the song, so it would only make sense for it to be one of their songs. i'm excited and i'm still not sure about where we're getting dropped off and picked up for the concert.

maybe he is what they needed

2009-10-11T15:43:00.002-05:00

i just got done watching the rams play the vikings on tv. the vikings won, no surprise there, the rams haven't won 15 games straight now. it isn't like the vikings needed this game but i know that i would've been pissed if they lost the football game. i'm watching the recap on tv right now and they interviewed favre and he said that this vikings team is the best team that he's ever played on. keep in mind that he has played for a superbowl team before. i know that i said on my weblog a while ago when i first heard talk of him possibly going to the vikings team that we didn't need him but maybe this is just what the vikings needed. maybe not in my mindset they didn't need him but in the players' mindset they need him to complete the team. yes, i know that they need a quarterback but he has the confidence in the team from the interviews that i see on the news.

just another reason why i hate having a bad memory

2009-10-10T14:28:00.003-05:00

i'm trying to install some of the old programs that i had on my old desktop computer onto my new desktop, i hope that i don't forget any programs. i feel like i should've done this a while ago but i think that i just got this new desktop because my old one had a virus in it.
i'm supposed to be going to the metallica concert on tuesday but i have a problem. i can't remember what i did with the tickets. i couldn't remember what i did with the money that i'm planning to take there but maurice just found it in my purse. my grandma told me to give the tickets to the supervisor of my program, so i'm hoping that i gave the metallica tickets to her. i'll be pissed if i don't find them by tuesday- which is the day of the concert.

it's not fair, what's new?

2009-10-09T13:31:00.004-05:00

i went to swim therapy yesterday and i told my therapist (andrew) that i was going to the metallica concert on tuesday and he said to me, "you too?" and i asked him what he meant and he said that he was going to the concert too. i asked him if he thought that they would play all of their new album and try to publicize the new album and he said that he didn't know but they would probably play a lot of their old stuff too. i haven't really heard any of their new album and i think that the only song that i have heard from their new album is "st. anger" and i don't even really remember that song. we'll see.
i also got wrote up this morning because i said that it wasn't fair that a client in our program didn't get wrote up for saying mean things because he has a disorder or something that makes him say stupid things and i said that if he could say anything then i should be able to also, so i told my pca "fuck you" since it was alright for him to say mean things. the client (that i was talking about who said mean things and wouldn't get wrote up for them) told a pca that he was a fag and that he was garbage and i didn't think that it was fair that he could say those kind of things to people especially when they didn't do anything to him. that asshole needs to learn some respect but my pca let the client get to him and wouldn't do things for me because he was worried about their cares only.

go vikes

2009-10-07T12:27:00.003-05:00

i watched the football game between the vikings and packers on monday night. i fell asleep sometime during the game, i was watching while lying in bed. i woke up at the fourth quarter when there was only about 2 minutes left and i just remember seeing the vikings ahead and that's all that matters. go vikes
my throat is sore, i'm taking some chloraseptic that expires this month for my cold. probably won't help. i don't think that anyone told the nurse because she always has something to say but i don't care.
i need to find out if misty is going to take her car to my apartment and catch a bus to the metallica concert with me. she seemed all psyched to be going with me when i asked her at the grocery store on sunday and she said that she was going with me. this would be the first concert which i've been to- i think, if i've went to another one, i forgot. the bad news is that misty is hard to get ahold of and the concert is in 6 days and i need to know if she's going with. my grandma said that she'd go to her job today and find out, so we'll see. i hope that i get to go.

the concert.. will i get to go or not?

2009-10-04T14:47:00.004-05:00

i didn't have anyone to go with me to the metallica concert when they come on the 13th to minnesota, then one night i was thinking of people and my friend misty came to mind. i finally got to ask her today if she wanted to go to the metallica concert with me because i seen her at the grocery store and my grandma could never get ahold of her because she lost her cell phone. she said that she'd go with me and she just needs to call my grandma and get it all arranged. this would be the first concert that i've went to, so i hope that everything works alright. i didn't think that she'd be able to go with me and i was planning on asking the supervisor (of the program that i live in) if she would go with me because i thought that misty was so busy and that's why she never got back to my grandma. now, all i need to do is actually go to the concert.. cross my fingers.

she doesn't like me, big surprise.

2009-09-30T14:34:00.003-05:00

last night when the pca who was assigned to my cares (cami) was doing something for me, she was giving me an attitude about doing things for me, so i said to her, "you don't like me, do you?" and she got smart with me with an answer of, "i don't have to like you. i work here, this is my job." i told my grandma that she said that and my grandma said that she shouldn't be working this job if she doesn't like her clients and what she's doing. she shouldn't be working this kind of job with an attitude like that. i think that i left a message on the supervisor's (of my living program) voice mail that she said that. she probably won't do anything but now you can't say that i didn't say anything to anyone.

do i need the sleeping pills?

2009-09-30T12:44:00.003-05:00

the doctor took me off of the sleeping pills last week, one of the pca's told the other pca's not to wake me up when they came to my room and turned me when they work overnight shift. i've been sleeping fine all night without the sleeping pills. i think one of the main reasons why i would stay awake is because of drinking too much water which would boost my metabolism and make me too energized to sleep.
the metallica concert is on the 13th of october and i still am not sure who's going to go with me. robin (the supervisor of the living program that i'm in) needs to know, so she can make the transportation arrangements and if my friend (who i asked to go with and still hasn't responded to my voice mail) can't go, then robin said that she would go with me.

one more reason

2009-09-29T14:02:00.003-05:00

when i was walking with my walker around the elevator i decided that i wanted to stop walking and i passed by the office and told the pca that was assigned to me this morning (annie) that i wanted to stop walking. she turned around towards the other two pca's and bobbed her head a little and waved her hands and said, "OOOO SHE WANTS TO STOP". i don't know what that meant, so i just walked to my room with my walker where she unstrapped me and put me back into my wheelchair. this is just one example of the many reasons why i want to get out of my wheelchair and on my own two feet doing things for myself. i don't like not being able to do things for myself and always having to count on people to help me do them especially when they have a bad attitude about it. this sucks.

no swimming for me

2009-09-28T14:35:00.003-05:00

i didn't go swimming at the courage center today like i was supposed to because the transportation van didn't show up. i was about to wash my face and the van driver (who was taking me to the courage center to go swimming) called and said he was downstairs of our apartment and i told him that i was coming. i quick finished washing my face and two minutes later i went to the lobby but he wasn't there. i called the van company after i seen that he wasn't there and the lady told me that he'd be at my apartment in 15 minutes. 15 minutes went by and he still didn't show up. so i called the transportation company back and she started saying how he waited at my apartment for 25 minutes and that i needed to be on time and ready. maurice went downstairs and looked for the driver about 25 minutes before i had called and he said that my ride hadn't came yet. i had to cancel my swimming for today which really pisses me off. i've had a lot of transportation companies take me to my medical appointments and i thought that this one was good but it turns out this one has it's problems too. plus, i think that this company only has one medical van. i hate missing pool therapy. i really need to find good transportation, i always have this difficulty.

it isn't over til it's over

2009-09-27T15:43:00.004-05:00

i just got done watching the vikings play the 49ers. it isn't over til it's over. they pulled off a big touchdown at like 12 minutes left, i don't know.. but they were behind and a touchdown would've put them ahead and they just got the ball back and it turned out to be a recieving touchdown, i think. all i can really remember is the touchdown at the end of the game, which won the game for the vikings. i'm waiting for the pca who is assigned to me this evening to get to work, so they can set me up to walk with my walker now.

i need to find something to do

2009-09-25T14:00:00.002-05:00

i just got this norton cd installed on my computer and now i'm looking for somewhere to get gnutella on my computer because i already have it on my laptop and i want another computer to download music off of and transfer it onto my ipod. i don't know where to get the gnutella from now because i don't want to download another virus when i just got protection. i don't know where to find it, it's frustrating.
i feel tired and i don't want to tell anyone where i live because i'm afraid that they'll assume that it's because i don't take the sleeping pills anymore. the pca who was working the overnight shift on wednesday assumed that i needed sleeping pills in order to sleep and said that she thinks that it was a bad idea to take me off of them. another thing that i need to keep in mind would be when my neurologist brought up that inactiveness would be a reason for my difficulty in sleeping. i don't know if i feel sleepy because i find myself inactive too much. so whenever i find myself just sitting around i lift my weight, stretch, or walk with my walker and i still yawn when i'm inactive. i need to find something more for me to do, i don't know if that might be a factor in these pausing spells that i keep getting lately.

new method

2009-09-24T12:03:00.003-05:00

i got taken off of my anti-depressants yesterday after i had my doctor at the appointment for my depo shot. i also decided to get off of the depo shot because i was told that if you stay on the shot for too long, you increase your likelyhood to get osteoporosis when you get older. i need another method of birth control if i won't be getting injected with the shot, so the doctor said that she could switch me to some kind of pill where you would get your period after two months. i'll go swimming today at the courage center and my ride comes in 15 minutes, i gotta get ready.

some people just don't get me

2009-09-22T16:40:00.003-05:00

yesterday, after i got out of the pool yesterday at the courage center, my pca (rochelle) comes out to the pool to come get me in my pool wheelchair and she asks me if i had a good time, i said (without thinking about the question really), "NO." my pool instructor hears me and says, "WHAT DID YOU SAY?" and rochelle bails me outta that one when she quickly says after she questioned my smart ass answer, "OH, HEH, SHE WAS JUST KIDDING. SHE HAS A WEIRD SENSE OF HUMOR." after that, rochelle takes me back into the locker room in my pool wheelchair and neither of us could stop laughing about that. this morning i was being smart about rochelle having to put my humidifyer together when i asked her if it was so hard to put it together and i didn't know that she had left the room because i was in the bathroom and she had just volunteered to put it together because the pca who i had the night before dicn't put it together because she had claimed that she didn't know how to and she didn't want to be the one to get in trouble if it didn't work if she put it together, just to excuse herself from doing easy work that even rochelle put together (who also didn't know how to put it together). another pca, annie, didn't know the whole story and assumed that i was just being smart towards rochelle and yells at me and says that rochelle was just being nice by volunteering to put it together and then annie says that she doesn't want to hear any other "snooty comments" from me, she's obsessed with looking good around rochelle, she's trying to get rochelle's attention, i think. i hate to tell her that rochelle told eunita and i that there was something that she didn't like about annie.

c'mon now

2009-09-20T14:07:00.002-05:00

i came back to my apartment today and i'm sitting in my living room with maurice watching the vikings play the lions. the offensive line needs to cover favre better, i don't know what they expect him to do by letting him uncovered when he's supposed to throw the ball.

i'm walking at other places too

2009-09-19T19:47:00.003-05:00

i walked with my walker today at my grandma's house with my grandma and mom by each of my sides. my grandma said that next time that i come home i'll walk out to the mailbox outside at her house down the driveway. i told her about when the physical therapist said that she was surprised at how well i walked with the walker when i went to my physical therapy appointment on wednesday and how i didn't know if she was just saying that to make me feel better. my grandma agreed with her and said that it'll probably be easier to walk down her driveway to the mailbox because she said that i'll have more room and it'll be easier than walking on the carpet like i was doing today.
my cousin (who was cutting my hair) was talking to my grandma on friday about my friend buying a house. my friend is just as old as i am and she already has a kid. i have another friend with a son as well and she's my age too. it seems like people are growing up and i'm staying where i am. i guess that i'll have to look past other people's business and try to focus on literally getting on my feet and a starting a career after i do. i just can't be so anxious, the stupid doctors put me on anxiety pills for this reason. gotta be patient.